Post Weaning Update – Two Weeks Flew By So Fast I Thought It Had Been an Entire Month!

I’ve been saying from the second I became a mom, that I live in a space time continuum – time does not exist in this season and this is the perfect example. If you had asked me how long I’ve been weaned, I would have told you one month. Thirty whole days. One whole page of a calendar flipped. It’s barely been 2 weeks. Barely. So much has changed in these two weeks and I think that’s why I feel like it’s been longer.

Here are two big things that have happened: 

• I have more time back 
• I got SO DEPRESSED

My LC (lactation counselor) warned me that there was a chance I would experience the “weaning blues” and we purposely designed a plan to wean slowly to mitigate this. I think for the most part we did – but I just did not expect to be in such a slump for over a week. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety at 15, and ADHD at 32. The chemicals in my brain are fighting for their lives already. I feel like fully weaning really threw things off balance and I was just perpetually sad and bummed for a week.

Once it clicked that it was most likely a drop/leveling out of hormones due to no milk expression at all and not my brain chemicals being completely whacked out, that seemed to help and the sun started to shine again, so to say.

I’ve gained so much time back

I just can’t believe HOW MUCH TIME I have back every day! I am sleeping so much better and we are going out so much more. It feels like a new lease on life. 

I feel like I have a completely different relationship with my son now. We can do so much more together, I can regulate my emotions way better, which in turn means he can regulate better!

I’ve been actually resting as much as I can but also, moving my body way more! I don’t have to spend nap times pump and there is no longer any milk admin time. No parts to wash, oversupply to bag, freezer stash to rotate. It’s been truly a huge weight lifted.

I had pretty bad D-MER while pumping and while those episodes only last during letdowns, I still think they played a big role in my overall mental health. I had more than one let down a session so it just sort of felt like I was mad/depressed my entire pumping session and with multiple sessions a day, it was just a lot.

Symptoms

About a week after weaning, I started taking estradiol pills to hold off my cycle for our next embryo transfer and I am thinking that it dried up the last of my supply. Since estrogen tanks postpartum and stays lower than normal, I am sure with the lack of milk removal + twice daily pills did the trick.

It’s hard to truly tell what is a post weaning symptom and what is a symptom from the pills. I am having hormonal breaks out on my chin and chest but also got those while weaning. So who’s to say what it is!

Some things I also didn’t expect – phantom engorgement feelings? I’ll sometimes wake up in a panic thinking I’m engorged and I’m definitely not. It’s the same as “is that the baby?” but it’s “is that my boobs?” No girl, it’s ya brain, playing tricks on you.

I also am not loving that my girls now touch my ribs. I was a solid A cup my entire life and jumped to a DD at my biggest while pumping. I had cleavage for the first time in my life and while that was fun, the deflation of these things is not. I’m not loving the touching and the boob sweat that builds up underneath!

Would I pump again?

I honestly have no idea. I think just straight disassociated for 14 months and that’s really hard to think about. Because what did I miss that I don’t even realize? That’s hard to think about doing again with a newborn AND a toddler.

I will say I do feel a lot more prepared to breastfeed, in any capacity, a second time around. I am absolutely going to book time with an IBCLC for both nursing and pumping refreshers, will be hand expressing colostrum before birth, and will make sure I hand express as often as I need to those first few days in case Baby #2 has the same oral tie issues as my first. If I suspect oral tie issues, I will be advocating HARD for treatment right away.

I was also recently diagnosed with Osteopenia so breastfeeding might be out for a second baby anyways due to the strain it can put on calcium levels. 

Either way, I’m proud of everything I did and how I preserved, learned, and fed my baby for going on 15 months thanks to a freezer stash.