As brand new parents, we were over the moon to bring our little IVF miracle home. The first week truly felt like we were on a little honeymoon – the three of us were hanging out and getting to know each other and my husband and I were in awe of our son.
My husband owns his own business so his parental leave was all of 5 days. He had to get back to work as the business was in a massive growth phase and I thought I’d be able to handle solo parenting 1 week postpartum.
I was so caught off guard by the relentlessness of motherhood and was dealing with latching issues, oral tie issues, and supply issues. I had to switch to exclusively pumping, I had to figure out how to get this baby to sleep so I could go back to work in 3 months, the dogs were going crazy not getting their normal walks/play. Laundry started to pile up, bottles started to pile up, pump parts, it became SO MUCH!
After 6 weeks, I was starting to feel manic. I had PPD/PPA/PPOCD and was dealing with D-MER which just seemed to add to everything. I was crying ALL day every day and was miserable. It was flu/RSV season, everyone who had planned on helping couldn’t because they were sick or had been around someone sick. We were desperate. I truly didn’t feel safe being around the baby by myself and caring for him ALL DAY LONG.
Then one day while Brian was at a tradeshow, he pulled a friend aside who also runs a business and has kids and asked “How do you do it?” and this friend proceeded to empathize with our situation and shared the schedule that him and his wife worked out so she wasn’t the only one doing everything for and with baby. We tweaked it a little bit, but here is what we did:
Monday – Dad works as late as needed
Tuesday – Dad home by 7:00 pm, dinner as a fam, Dad handles bath + bed
Wednesday – Dad home by 6:30 pm, handles everything for baby, Mom does whatever she wants
Thursday – Dad works as late as needed
Friday – Dad home by 7:00 pm, dinner as a fam, Dad handles bath + bed
Saturday – AM, Dad is in charge, PM, mom is in charge
Sunday – AM, mom is in charge, PM dad is in charge
We implemented this in March, and I’m now writing this in October. This helped with the emotional and physical load of parenting SO MUCH. We both could manage our expectations accordingly and it really took the pressure off Brian, as a business owner and took the pressure off me as a working mom. I did end up resigning from my job and we kept with this schedule even with me home full time and it’s been working for us so well!
The second thing we did was work out a cleaning schedule. Actually the first thing we had to do was lower our housekeeping standards (thanks to the experienced moms of the internet for this one!!). Then we worked out a cleaning schedule to help break things up. This was more for me as I have ADHD and absolutely need and simultaneously loathe structure. I live for tiny dopamine hits so getting only a few small home care tasks done a day has been really beneficial for combatting my executive dysfunction. Here’s how we broke it down:
You can download the free Google Doc here. Make a copy and make it your own!
And remember – this is just a season. Things might be messier than you are used to and figuring out how to get okay with that is going to go a long way!