Redefining Success in Motherhood

I truly never thought I’d be a stay-at-home parent. I remember telling my boss how much I loved my job and couldn’t imagine being happy at home full-time.

“What would I even do all day? Stare at my baby?”

At the time, my calendar was packed. Meetings, 1:1s, consults, admin time — and then all my extracurriculars after work. I sat on a fundraising board for the Braille and Talking Book Library of Arizona. I had happy hours and dinners with friends a few times a month. I was busy.

And I was determined not to let a baby slow me down.
Famous last words.

Needless to say, I was just as surprised as my boss when I turned in my resignation only three months after returning from maternity leave.

Half the reason? Daycare for our four-month-old was going to cost $1,980/month. The bigger reason? From the moment that baby was laid on my chest, I knew the best place for both of us was together.

I think I needed to go back to work initially because I was desperate to “go back to normal.”

But… what was normal, anyway?

The Shift

I quickly realized that “normal” was relative to my environment. For the first time in my life, I wanted to slow down. I wanted things to be simpler. I wanted to stare at my baby all day.

As a millennial woman, it was ingrained in me to lean in at the conference table, contribute to big projects, and prove my worth in the workplace. And for a while, that was what I wanted and needed.

But soon, I found myself asking:

• Do I like being busy because I enjoy my work — or because I was taught that busy equals successful?
• Is my worth tied to my output?
• And if feminism gave us every right to be at the table, isn’t true feminism about having the choice to leave it?
  

Redefining “Success”

I remember staring at my old definition of success — the full calendar, the constant movement — while holding a newborn I had grown in my own body.

I grew a set of eyes I will never see out of. Isn’t that peak success?

Around that time, I discovered Mother Untitled, an Instagram account by Neha Ruch. Her work reframed how I saw my new role and my worth.

Success doesn’t have to mean a full calendar. It can be whatever you want it to be.

The Slowing Down

Learning to slow down wasn’t easy. I’ve always been “go, go, go.” I had to say no a lot — to commitments, to extra projects, even to myself.

I did start a blog and Instagram (hi, welcome!), but I’m intentional about setting boundaries with them.

I picked up hobbies — some successful, some not. I failed at sourdough starter (twice) but got really good at homemade bagels. I read a ton of books, especially while exclusively pumping 4–5 times a day.

And yet, I still found myself burned out — just like when I was working.

Therapy, Perfectionism & “Good Enough”

I started weekly therapy with a postpartum specialist, and we’ve talked a lot about perfectionism.

I have OCD, and part of managing it is fighting daily compulsions. One of my new mantras is:

If it’s good enough, it’s good enough.

To me, that means something doesn’t have to be perfect. The energy I give is already enough.

I don’t need a packed calendar. I don’t need constant activities. We can make last-minute plans and still have fun because we’ve left space — and energy — for it.

Questions I’m Asking Myself

If you’re also redefining success in motherhood, these are the questions I’m working through:

• What does success mean to me right now?
• Why does being busy feel important?
• Why do I always feel the need to have something to do?
• When I picture “success” as a mom, what does it look like, and what does it feel like?
• Am I chasing this version of success because it’s mine, or because it’s what I’ve been told it should be?
• What am I afraid might happen if I slow down too much?
• If I had no pressure to prove anything to anyone, what would I choose to do with my time?
• How do I measure my worth outside of productivity?
• What parts of my old identity do I want to keep, and what can I release?
• When I think of the happiest version of myself, what’s in her day? What’s not in her day?
• Who benefits from me staying “busy” — and is it actually me?
  

Your answers might look different from mine — and that’s the point.

Because success?
It’s not one-size-fits-all.